i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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