I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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