I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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