how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
