Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
