Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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