just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
