I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
