i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
