dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
