I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
