i just had sex bonerless
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
it's like heaven, but drunker
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
