My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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