if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
