hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
