Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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