i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
