Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
