I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
