Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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