marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize