Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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