Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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