Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Let's paint friendship bongs
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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