It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
