Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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