Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
