i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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