This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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