I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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