In the future we'll all be gay
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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