Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
