there's paper in my vomit.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
