She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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