The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
