you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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