she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
