Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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