I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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