Screwed.edu
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
