ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We left an ass print on the piano.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
