pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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