we have pet lesbian snakes
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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