my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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