From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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