I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize