She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
