I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
