oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Welp...herpes.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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