I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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