the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the day after is always just damage control
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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