i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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