you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
