just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
