Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Randomize
