I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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