You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
