i don't like sucking hair
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
