when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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