a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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