I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I deserve this hangover.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
