I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
