i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You are a genius and a whore.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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