Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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