i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
