the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize