There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
