based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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