the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
