oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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